...The Not So Calm After The Storm..

     I have been wanting to do this blog for a couple of days, but I have had a hard time putting my emotions into coherent words and not the ramblings of an emotionally distraught girl.  I can't guarantee a completely ramble-free post, but I will do my best.  Please bear with me. 
   
     Trees are beautiful, life giving structures.  Their leaves provide us clean air, shade in the summertime, a beautiful display of colors in the fall, as well as provide us with innumerable products we use everyday.  However, when they are laying in the middle of your living room or have fallen down all over your property ruining fences and killing livestock, they somehow lose their luster.  The tornado and storm that went through my hometown of Vilonia Monday night seems to have left more trees on their sides and on houses than standing.  This is just a portion of the destruction the people of Vilonia woke up to face early Tuesday morning.          
     As most of you may know a tornado hit my hometown of Vilonia, Arkansas the night of April 25, 2011.  Several members of my family live in Vilonia; my parents, sister, paternal grandparents and great-grandmother, my mom's sister and her two children, and my dad's brother and wife.  I live about 10 miles out of Vilonia now.  The night the storm hit I was terrified for my family.  I knew it was headed their way and I knew it may be bad.  I never in my wildest dreams expected to see the level devastation this storm caused.  After I found out that night that all my family was safe from harm but there was some pretty bad damage I went to bed with my heart heavy.  I wasn't until the following morning that I heard more of an account of what really happened.
     The first person I was able to talk to was my dad.  My "always has a plan, calm and collected" dad.  He told me he was busy cutting some of the cows out from under trees.  I could hear the urgency in his voice and it scared me.  Then I talked to other members of family and followed Facebook like I would die if I didn't look at least every 15 minutes.  I spent an incredible stressful 7 hours at work.  The pain of not being there with my family was almost unbearable.
    It wasn't until I actually drove into town that I truly realized the magnitude of what had happened there.  My grandparent's house was the first place of note that I saw and there was the big beautiful tree in their front, side yard blown over onto their front porch (along with many other trees stripped or uprooted).  Then going down my parent's street I could see the nice subdivision Quail Hollow on the left side with tarps on all the roofs, windows blown out, fences gone or laying scattered in pieces with people everywhere, exhausted.  The light poles were leaning over the road with some sheared in half and standing in the road.  Then my parent's/grandparent's pasture on the right with countless trees blown over, their roots sticking up in the air several feet high.  My mom and dad's house is surrounded by trees, many of which were laying on their sides.  It was but for the grace of God that none of them hit their house.  Huge trees were just uprooted with debris everywhere.  When I parked my car and got out, I made a bee-line for my momma, hugged her, and cried tears of grief for our town and relief for their safety.  My Aunt and Uncle's house back across the road at the end of the subdivision was missing a large section of roof over the kitchen and living room.  They were also minus a nice shop on the side of their house.
     Eventually after some work moving limbs into large piles in my parent's yard, mom and I went for a drive down main street.  It was indescribable.  There were more trees down everywhere, roofs missing, whole houses missing.  The landscape is traumatic to look at.  My heart aches for the town and its' people.  There was also a subdivision with several mobile homes that was flattened by the storm/tornado.  Vilonia will never be the same.
     The good news is this...  The outpouring of love and support from the community is wonderful.  There have been many, many people coming out to help clear trees and debris.  My great-grandmother's house sits right off of main street.  It is surrounded by fallen trees to the point you could barely see it.  She also had a tipped over semi truck in her yard.  At the bequest of its' driver people were busy gathering the dry food goods that were packaged well and had spilled out.  There were several strangers that just stopped to help and worked hard to start cleaning up her yard.  As I had mentioned to some of family, if the storm had to happen somewhere, at least it happened to an area filled with people who love and support their town; people who will pitch in and help each other get this cleaned up and fixed.  
     We have a very long way to go rebuilding, but there is always hope.  I have faith that God will see us through.  I am praying for the strength of the people of Vilonia and for them to be provided with the donations needed to survive the coming weeks and months.  Power is still out to a majority of the city and there is no telling when it will be restored.  If you would like to volunteer to clean up or help rebuild my hometown or have anything at all you would like to donate please let me know and I will get you some information!

                                                                               




Click here for YouTube Video of some of the damage. My great grandmother's house is just after the truck, before the cereal.

Life: The Grand Finale

     We have all heard about or been close to tragic death.  When someone goes "before their time" like accidents, car wrecks, or homicide/suicide for example.  Unfortunately this seems to be happening more and more these days as war and apathy grip the planet.  What you don't see or hear about on the news are the times when death is embraced as a natural part of life.  You may be expecting the death of a friend or relative due to illness or old age.  Then you get the dreaded phone call or news from the doctor that they have passed.  Some are fortunate enough to be there to hold a loved one's hand as they take their final breaths passing from this life to the next.  Today I became one of those people.
     Death is often seen as sad, unfortunate, and depressing.  That is because it is....to a point.  For those people who have lived a full life and grow into old age, or become terminally ill there comes a point where death turns from tragedy to blessing.  For the last few days I have had the gift of being able to sit with a gentleman at the end of his life.  He was a great friend to many and lived a different, but full and happy life.  I sat by his bed and rubbed his hands.  I sang to him.  I turned him every hour.  I medicated him.  I bathed him.  I visited with his friends.  I hope I did everything I could do in order to make his time as pleasant and comfortable as I possibly could.  Was it hard?  Hell yes it was.  I tell you what though, there is nowhere on this earth that I would rather have been.  Then, this afternoon I got the great honor of being by his side as he departed this earth and went on to better things.
     I only knew him for a matter of months, but in caring for him I built bond of friendship that I hope he could feel.  As a human being, of course I was sad when he passed.  I was sad for me and his friends that had known him for years.  I was sad for his family in their time of great loss.  And yes, I was sad for him.  I know I shouldn't be though.  I know without a doubt that he is rejoicing in Heaven even as sit here and type this.  It's funny how you can know that, but at the same time when people are telling you that after someone you care about passes, it is almost no comfort at all to hear.  I think it is our own selfishness that gets in the way.  We want them be with us and be the way they were 10 years ago when they were "themselves" and not the sick version.  What I also know for an immediate fact is that he is no more pain ever again.  He is not thirsty for air or water.  That is a great comfort to me.
     As a nurse, I was living in a surreal time where I felt my career had just been taken to new a level.  I haven't felt like a rookie nurse in a long time until today.  I know that in those moments I have to keep a certain decorum and sense of professionalism.  All I really I really wanted to do was cry and freak out.  Even though those last moments were peaceful, I was experiencing a range of emotions from scared and sad to relived and honored.  It was like nothing I have ever witnessed and impossible to describe in way that would do it justice.  It is true that in times of emergency your adrenaline kicks in and you act and then later you have to cry and compose yourself.
     When it was all over and the very stressful time of physician evaluation and proclamation of time of death was given I did shed some tears for my friend.  There was still a little bit of work to be done to finish out my shift.  I am so very blessed to work with amazing bunch a ladies who came to my rescue, saw my grief, and pitched in to help me get it done while I took a break.  At the end of my work day, about an hour after his passing, it was finally time for me to go.  I packed up my belongings, went over to his bed and kissed him on the forehead.  I said my goodbyes and turned to leave knowing I would never see him again.  My heart is heavy with grief, though all the while reaching for the peace that comes with knowing that he was one of the lucky ones.  One of the fortunate people who got to live a great life, then go on to Heaven with peace and dignity when it was his turn to be given his wings.

Shout Out To Those Who Made Me, But I Never Got To Meet

     My ancestry is something that has always interested me, but not profoundly untill a couple of days ago.  I read a comment my aunt Kathy Marsden posted to my first blog entry that really struck a chord.  She wrote, "...you have a little of your grandpa Barnes in you!  He loved to write about anything and everything."  For some reason, at that moment, I was struck with joyful adoration for someone have I never met.  Unfortunatly, he passed before I was born.  I don't even have a picture of him in my head, but I felt a connection to him that was very real.
     Then I thought, "Why have I never had this feeling before?"  I am 27 years old and have studied my family history, particularly on my father's side, through pictures, stories, and family tree.  However, I have never really thought about them actually being part of me or that I am a part of them.  Not really.  To think that I could have some of the same personality traits and idiosyncrasies.  We all say things like, "You have your mother's eyes," but to have something personal in common with a stranger from your past is kind of surreal.  It is a neat thing to thing about how you are the incredible sum of so many "parts."  For the good or the bad, you have someone to thank for giving you life.
     For me, writing is an escape, a stress reliever, and fun.  I have loved to write about my thoughts and feelings on random subjects for as long as can remember.  I feel like putting my thoughts and emotions into print is a very personal experience and certainly something that is all mine.  I can share what I want to share and keep private what I want to keep private.  I have never known anyone in family, or even any friends, that like to write the way I do and more importantly, share what they write.  To find out I have that one little thing in common with my great-grandfather is a special thing to me.  
     I wonder how many things I have in common with other members of family that have gone on before me.  I wish I would have had the opportunity to meet so many of them.  I hope that my grandparents are around long enough provide healthy memories of them to my children.  Family is the most important thing in my life.  Family will be around long after every other relationship fades.  I hope I can impress upon my babies the importance of their family and family history.  As the old saying saying goes, "You have to know where you've been to know where you are going."

Grocery List + Kids' Menu Ideas

     The grocery store can either be a very stressful or a moderately stress relieving place.  When I can go to the store by myself and take my time, it almost seems like a little mini vacation.  I know, that probably seems really sad.  Most of the time though, I have to go with my kids and I run through the store like it's the Daytona 500 all the while protecting the shelves from tiny hands and breaking up fights.  So, it really does help if I can go in with a plan.  My grocery store routine if you will. 
     Obviously, I have to know what I need and how much I can spend.  Like most everyone, I have to buy on a budget.  I generally spend anywhere from $80-$150 per week to keep my family happily well fed, watered, and snacked.  We all have some things we are not willing to skimp on.  For me that is diapers and wipes.  They MUST BE Huggies.  However, there are a lot of ways to cut corners and save money.  I shop at Kroger for my groceries.  I find it to be small enough to keep me focused as well as help keep me from going for the impulse buy like I would at Wal-Mart.  Also, I am familiar with Kroger now so I know what specials they usually run and can more easily predict my final total.  Shout out to the 10 for 10! 
     I work full time as well as being a full time mom to two preschoolers so having a well stocked pantry from which to create quick and easy meals is a must.  Things like pasta, pasta sauce, canned fruits and veggies, granola bars, raisins, and other snacks need to be there.  When my kids decide they want to eat, it needs to be ready now!  That doesn't mean I have to cut out the nutritional value. 
     Unfortunately, processed and nutritionally void food is cheaper and more plentiful than fresh produce and organic foods.  How I would love to have a famers' market open in Conway when I am off work to be able to shop at!  My solution tends to be the semi-homemade meal consisting of a mix of ready-made and fresh foods.  For example, I watch the produce section for what things are on sale and plan meals around that.  My kids love fruit and always have some at breakfast and for snacks.  So, I see which fruits they have at a good price and get those.  Usually, we get bananas, grapes, and either apples, oranges, or strawberries.  I love when they put the precut fruit or berry bowls on sale.  Those are awesome!  Most kids like fruit, so it is any easy way to get those vitamins in there.  
     Another of my favorite produce section finds is the boxes of the prewashed, ready to eat salad.  For some reason my kids love salad with ranch, so it is easy to make something for dinner and throw some mixed greens, shredded cheddar, and ranch on the side and helps me feel like they are eating well.  The little bag of baby carrots is also great for a easy quick partner to a sandwich or a healthy snack.  You can put them in a zip top bag the first time you open them and they will keep for a long time.  Celery is cheap and comes in a big bunch.  When you get it home you can go ahead and wash it, cut it up and put it in a zip top bag.  Then it is ready for you when you need it for some tasty "ants on a log" snacks. It also has great shelf life.  It is actually cheaper in the long run than buying the little individual bags of chips or cookies and much healthier.
     Snacks are the most fun to make and they are really important to keeping the munchkins at bay.  Snacks can be quick, easy, and healthy.  My favorites usually consist of all or a combination of a carbohydrate, a dairy, and a fruit.  Some of my stand bys are: fruit yogurt, granola bars, cheese cubes with grapes or raisins, peaches or pineapple and cottage cheese, celery sticks and peanut butter, bowl of berries, peanut butter on crackers or vanilla wafers, and goldfish crackers or cheeze-its with raisins all with a glass of milk.  At our house, by milk, of course I mean whole milk with a little bit of Hershey's calcium enriched chocolate syrup added in; shaken, not stirred.   
     Lunch and dinner can be a little more complicated.  Remember, I am cooking for a 2 and almost 4 year old.  My decisions have to be based on what is easy to eat and digest, and on most days days, what they won't have spread from one end of the dinning room to the other.  Some things I know they won't do well with are most soups, rice (have you tried to sweep cooked rice of a wood floor...yikes!), and most spicy things.  During the week, I also need these meals to be easy and fairly quick to make. 
     I work during the day and my husband, Chuck, works in the evening so we can save on daycare costs.  Needless to say, since he is making lunch it needs to be simple.  Love you honey!  Some things I get for him to make include:  fish sticks and chicken nuggets with mac and cheese, frozen pizza, sandwiches with either deli meat and cheese or pb&j, spaghetti-o's, and hotdogs, all paired with fruit and/or a veggie.
     Dinner is my arena and is quite variable.  Like most families we seem to kind of go in phases as to what we are eating.  Lately, I have not been doing as intense cooking as I used to.  Some things I like make are as follows: chicken of all kinds, different kinds of pasta dishes like, spaghetti, alfredo, and goulash, some casseroles, homemade pizza (it is easy to get the kids involved on that one), stuffed pablano peppers, burgers, "breakfast for dinner," tacos, taco casserole, and many others.  My main rules of thumb are I want the plates to look very colorful and diverse, and I want to see all food groups represented.  Some items that definitely make life easier for me are the bags of veggies you can steam in the microwave, Prego and the like, and canned cream soups.   
     I cook things for my kids that I want to eat.  I also like to expose them to a lot of different kinds of foods with different textures and appearances to expand their palates.  I think it is an in-born mom thing that we feel good when we feed our kids well.  I love it when I try a new recipe and they say, "mmmmm mommy this is yummy!"  Cookbooks are wonderful inspiration along with the Food Network channel.  My favorites are Barefoot Contessa, Rachel Ray (because she cooks just like me, "chop and drop"), and Sandra Lee.  While shopping for the groceries may not always be an enjoyable experience the cooking and the love that comes out of kitchen sure can be.  Cooking with my kids can be a lot of fun too, when we are in the mood.  Chloe and Jackson love to mix things, sprinkle on shredded cheese, and pour things in.  Cooking teaches them about measurements and about the ingrediants.  Just remember to remind them and yourself of safety around heat and sharp objects like knives and graters.  If you have any good time or money saving ideas put them in the comments or comment under this post on my FB.  I love hearing new ideas.  We all get in a rut sometimes.  So, until next time, keep the plates happy and the tummies full!