Raising Children....

     Anyone who has children knows exactly how hard a job it is to raise them in this world (and everyone who doesn't have kids, know exactly how yours ought to be raised).  As expecting and new parents, we all buy the parenting books and the magazines and read them like they are the Bible.  By the time that kids is a year old, we have learned all those "crucial reads" are good for two things: 1. Making you feel like an incompetent parent for not being able to go a day without raising your voice or make the perfect "Bunny in the Grass" cupcakes like the ones the beautifully made-up mom on page 21 baked in her crystal clean kitchen.... and 2. The pages from those books are great for starting a fire.
     Being a mom has brought more joy to my life than I could have ever imagined.  It has been the hardest, most rewarding job I have ever had.  It has made me realize just how much my own parents must have sacrificed and worked to mold my 2 sisters and I into the happy, productive members of society we are today.  I've told my mom many times that I just hope I can be a fraction of the caliber parent to my kids that she and my dad were (and still are) to me.  
     I learned within weeks of being a mom that not all of the same "rules" of parenting apply to all parents and all kids.  I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding for all those who can do it.  I breastfed both of my kids for about 8 weeks, but it did not come easy at all.  I remember calling my friend, a mother of twins and one older child, crying late one night because Chloe was having a hard time "latching on," was not waking up every 2 hours, and would not feed on both sides in one feeding like she was supposed to according to all of my "crucial reading material."  Amanda just said, "Michelle, put down the books and listen to that baby.  She will eat when she is hungry and she will sleep when she is not.  She is fine and it will be ok."  She talked with the amusement a veteran mom has when trying to calm a rookie mom.  Her saying that to me made all the difference in the world to allow me to worry less that I was doing everything "right" and more about what was right for us.  Guess what....the kid ate when she was hungry and slept when she wasn't!
     Getting advice from a friend when it is solicited is one thing.  Getting unsolicited advice via words or the dirty look from a stranger is quite another.  You can do everything right, read all the books, enforce the discipline, go out at times when the babies are well rested, and provide entertainment and there will still be times when your child will scream their heads off in the grocery store for no apparent reason or run around like crazy people in the doctor's office.  It seems like everyone in the world is staring at you when these embarrassing situations arise.  The kids also only seem to act like this when you are in a hurry or are already exhausted from the day's events.  I wonder sometimes when these meltdowns occur in public if those people who are giving me and my little monsters dirty looks are thinking I put the kids up to this behavior just to annoy them.  Because I'm sure I must look like I'm having the time of my life! 
      I've learned, over time, to block out what other peoples' reactions are and stay focused on my family and reacting appropriately to the situation.  Sometimes that means even letting the kids cry because I'm not going to "cave in" to a request I am not willing to grant just to keep them quiet.  My rules for my kids cannot dissolve the minute we go out in public just to keep them from annoying others.  I know my kids best.  I know how they will react to most situations.  I do my best to avoid things and places where I know they will be inappropriate, unacceptable, or will just embarrass the crap out of me.  Some things like going grocery shopping are just unavoidable and I have to go when I have to go.  I have to handle them in such a way that will benefit their future behavior, not just pacify them in the moment.
   My children make me want to go crazy every day, but they also make me laugh every day.  They are truly the light of my life.  My husband and I love them with every fiber of our being and cannot imagine life without them in it.  The world is a terrifying place in which to raise kids these days.  I don't know what is going to happen in the future of the planet, all I can do is try to give them the tools they need to survive and be happy and healthy.  The media tells us we need so many fancy things to make our kids happy and smart.  It's not true, but it can be hard to avoid.  I mean, you can hardly even buy a toy that is purely for imaginatively play and isn't supposed to teach them something.  I like my kids to always be dressed cute, and i would love for them to be brilliant, but it certainly isn't necessary to make them good people or even happy.
     There are really only a few things they need outside of food, water, and shelter.  I think they are LOVE, comfort, a sense of security, guidance, and hope.  All of those things are FREE, people!  Hug those babies and kiss their boo boo's!