Life: The Grand Finale

     We have all heard about or been close to tragic death.  When someone goes "before their time" like accidents, car wrecks, or homicide/suicide for example.  Unfortunately this seems to be happening more and more these days as war and apathy grip the planet.  What you don't see or hear about on the news are the times when death is embraced as a natural part of life.  You may be expecting the death of a friend or relative due to illness or old age.  Then you get the dreaded phone call or news from the doctor that they have passed.  Some are fortunate enough to be there to hold a loved one's hand as they take their final breaths passing from this life to the next.  Today I became one of those people.
     Death is often seen as sad, unfortunate, and depressing.  That is because it is....to a point.  For those people who have lived a full life and grow into old age, or become terminally ill there comes a point where death turns from tragedy to blessing.  For the last few days I have had the gift of being able to sit with a gentleman at the end of his life.  He was a great friend to many and lived a different, but full and happy life.  I sat by his bed and rubbed his hands.  I sang to him.  I turned him every hour.  I medicated him.  I bathed him.  I visited with his friends.  I hope I did everything I could do in order to make his time as pleasant and comfortable as I possibly could.  Was it hard?  Hell yes it was.  I tell you what though, there is nowhere on this earth that I would rather have been.  Then, this afternoon I got the great honor of being by his side as he departed this earth and went on to better things.
     I only knew him for a matter of months, but in caring for him I built bond of friendship that I hope he could feel.  As a human being, of course I was sad when he passed.  I was sad for me and his friends that had known him for years.  I was sad for his family in their time of great loss.  And yes, I was sad for him.  I know I shouldn't be though.  I know without a doubt that he is rejoicing in Heaven even as sit here and type this.  It's funny how you can know that, but at the same time when people are telling you that after someone you care about passes, it is almost no comfort at all to hear.  I think it is our own selfishness that gets in the way.  We want them be with us and be the way they were 10 years ago when they were "themselves" and not the sick version.  What I also know for an immediate fact is that he is no more pain ever again.  He is not thirsty for air or water.  That is a great comfort to me.
     As a nurse, I was living in a surreal time where I felt my career had just been taken to new a level.  I haven't felt like a rookie nurse in a long time until today.  I know that in those moments I have to keep a certain decorum and sense of professionalism.  All I really I really wanted to do was cry and freak out.  Even though those last moments were peaceful, I was experiencing a range of emotions from scared and sad to relived and honored.  It was like nothing I have ever witnessed and impossible to describe in way that would do it justice.  It is true that in times of emergency your adrenaline kicks in and you act and then later you have to cry and compose yourself.
     When it was all over and the very stressful time of physician evaluation and proclamation of time of death was given I did shed some tears for my friend.  There was still a little bit of work to be done to finish out my shift.  I am so very blessed to work with amazing bunch a ladies who came to my rescue, saw my grief, and pitched in to help me get it done while I took a break.  At the end of my work day, about an hour after his passing, it was finally time for me to go.  I packed up my belongings, went over to his bed and kissed him on the forehead.  I said my goodbyes and turned to leave knowing I would never see him again.  My heart is heavy with grief, though all the while reaching for the peace that comes with knowing that he was one of the lucky ones.  One of the fortunate people who got to live a great life, then go on to Heaven with peace and dignity when it was his turn to be given his wings.